Conversations...

Ever take note of the length, frequency and topic of your conversations? Over the past month or so I have been thinking of my conversations. I have had conversations on a variety of topics including genocide, immigration, brokenheartedness, self reflection, spiritual growth, politics, movies, family, jobs, the future, and friends (to name but a few). Some conversations have stuck with me others are a such daily phenomenon I could hardly recall with detail.

Then conversations lead me to ponder what I say. Just my part of the conversation. Are all the words I use needed? Is my meaning understood? How much is too much to say? Today I was yelled at by someone on the other end of the phone. Now, I fully recognize that I could have and should have chosen my words more carefully but on the other hand, the individual yelling at me had totally misunderstood my meaning. I had meant to state that it was not an uncommon issue to which he was pointing out. But rather it was interpreted as insensitive. I was told that I was making light of the situation, that I should reevaluate what I was doing if I did not want to help people. I of course immediatly apologized and attempted to explain my meaning but it was too late. The damage had been done.

His comments have stuck with me with more ferociously than I would have expected. It even brought me to tears later. I do not know why though. Was it that I was upset I was misunderstood. Was it that his words hurt me or worse...is it that I am mad at myself for allowing such a thing to be said. Am I upset at me or him?