Tuesday, November 28, 2006

This was written in the library. It's part procrastination part pep talk to myself.

All I can think about are my new summer plans. I don’t want to be in London just now. I want a romantic life of adventure in a new city. I want the idyllic life meeting my own deadlines, gaining knowledge for the sake of edification and not forced education. I want to wake up to the sounds of the city preparing for the day and take a run along the lake. I want to spend my mornings working diligently on my dissertation and career prospects and spend my late afternoons on the beach with family and friends. I want a life in which the worry of paying back school loans does not exist, nor sadness of finding yourself alone and grieving over family. I do not want to miss my family and friends. I want to be content again. I want to be happy in a moment looking forward to the next family and friend visit. I want to spend weekends in new cities around Europe. I want to be able to focus on learning French and have the proud claim that I taught myself.

What I need to do now is focus. I need to learn to be content now not hope and expect that with the future will come contentment. I need to get through the last few weeks of the semester with renewed passion and pursuit of knowledge. Enjoy the little things now, regain contentment, and enjoy the good moments when they come.


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