H.A.P.F. Missing You Always.

It's not a momentary thing loss. It creeps around at all times, in every moment, sometimes showing its face, other times lingering near by but unseen by most. That I think is what some do not understand. Loss, grief, the missing of a loved one, it is a wave of emotion, ebbs and flows with time but always present. It also has the ability to magnify every other emotions.

What do you do with it all? Do you attempt to explain? Do you overlook the comments, actions and lack-there-of of those who just dont understand, those who dont know?

I think talking is always good. If one doesn't know what to say, then ask questions. Let us know you haven't forgotten.

This weekend was incredible difficult for my family. Time doesn't necessarily make it better or easier, just another year you can try to do something different from last year when you attempt to handle it then. Last year I fled to a dear friends home. She could relate all too well and was a great comfort to me. This year I was not only away from home, which did not bother me as much as, the fact that I was alone. The sad remembrance of it the events of two years ago makes any kind of celebration on this day feel as if I am not paying due respect to the remembrance of her life. I need one day for it to be a specially day for me again but this is not the year...and I can not do it on my own, that is for sure.

Miss Jane Austin...

What a writer Miss Austin is! I picked up Pride and Prejudice a few weeks ago thinking I would make an attempt at reading it. I was not sure if I would properly be able to immerse myself in the pages being so familiar with the many film adaptations of her works. The felicity gained, not to mention the many additions to my vocabulary with words like 'felicity' I can hardly begin to express. Upon greater contemplation it also amazes me that a woman could write with such...I don't even know, a quality that makes her words to this day contribute to such a great work of literary art. I greatly look forward to my next Austin literary encounter.

On a much less interesting or exciting note, I have found employment. Before the Angels sound their angelic trumpets, its part-time employment, retail at that. I am thankful for the gainful employment despite its lack of virtue and hope that it shall be a short return to the retail world at that. The prayer of and search for a position more clearly within my interest is still being pursued I assure you.

I have also began the process of seeking a small group to join within The Rock Church I have been attending since my move here. I big step to some and a needed step for me. From the first meeting I can already tell that I shall be better engaged within this group that the few weeks I spent trying to give my small group back home a chance. That group, I do not hesitate to state, failed miserable in providing a growing, interactive, interesting, worthwhile experience and environment, for me at least. The group of interesting, thoughtful and diverse women I met last night, however, I have great hopes for. If nothing other than meeting new people comes of it I shall be thankful enough. Although, I feel I have already been led there by God and hope that He has much more to teach me, remind me, and show me.

Dried Pumpkin...

Needing a boost in spirits I decided that the BF and I would carve pumpkins. A serge of creative genius, playful humor and memories of yesteryear no doubt. I took my time cleaning out the guts of my pumpkin gal, I carefully sketched the face to carve out of my pumpkin. I was sure to include details such as eyebrows and wispy ringlet curls to frame her face. These features were carefully carved into the surface of my large vegetable (or fruit?) with intention and purpose as I got to know the face that was appearing before me. Others chose not to take their time with such details but rather to hack (what seemed like indiscriminately) at their pumpkin until a face, rather ominously appeard.

Well, any and every time I have carved a pumpkin I have left it outside my front door to become one with the front step as it froze to the ground and usually remained so until about Christmas. I had not for a second contemplated the new variable that would make this displaying of artistic talent much more temporary. You see usually the pumpkin is frozen to perfectly capture and preserve one's art. However in Southern California this is far from the case. Speedy decomposition and excessive mold growth is what our art work was met with. Such speed that within one week of carving the non-cute of the two pumpkins was largely reduced to mushy mold as the pumpkin decomposed, mixed with the mold and became a rather scary hybrid of the two.

I have since noticed a lot of fake pumpkins on peoples front steps. I get it now.

A cleansing...

Last night it rained! Ordinarily this is not something to be amazed at let alone note worthy. However, this was the first time since I have been in this city that it properly rained. The sound of rain drops on the pavement was so wonderful - music to my ears. I love the sound of rain as it showers all it hits. I had really missed it. First time ever It was like a cleansing exercise. The pallet is now fresh and clean and ready for a new brush stroke.

Happy Birthday H.A.P.F.

Missing you always.