Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Home at last, thank God Almighty, I'm home at last. I feel a little reflection is called for. First of all I learned so much about myself. I am my father's daughter, which I always new, but was once agian made clear to me. In other words I am quick to anger and yell. Not good. Really worked on praying for guidance on how to deal with frustrating matters and not react with anger. I pray that God continue to work on me in that respect. Which really means that I'll be givin sittuations that are frustrating and stressfull and I'll once agian be shown that I try to do things on my own and respond with strong negative emotions when they dont go well. Oh well, if thats what it takes, that's what it takes. I feel I have gained a certain understanding about myself and a more of a servant's heart but...well I fear for it. I've often thought that we play different roles around different people. Will I fall back into my family role while at home? Will I loose that little bit of a servant's heart I gained while at camp?

The other day I told a family member about my recent thoughts about my future. It was considerable less scary than I had antcipated. I also made it was very clear that at this point it was only a thought, not something to hold me to. Looking further into this plan I get my hopes up more and more. Day dreaming about the possibilites that lie with taking that route. Yet do I have what it takes to even make that idea a possibility? Many signs indicate doubtful...but Im planing big so will continue to look into what every possibilities I can.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

It’s the little moments that one has to appreciate. I met with the most wise and Godly woman tonight. She has such insight and…. love to share. One can’t help but feel both humbled and blessed when in her presence. “Plan Big” was the advice that resonated with me tonight, if it “doesn’t happen thank God for closing the door and preparing something better for you”. I’ve been towing with an idea lately of what to do once I graduate. Prayer and planning big seems to be the answer to it all.

The end is near...the end of the summer that is. Can't wait! I have had an awesome summer, but I am more than ready to go home. Too many days dealing with teenage girl attitudes and teenage boy egos. I came to serve and I have. I have also learned so much about myself. I am seriously considering coming back next year as head host but right now I feel so drained and easily discouraged these days. Talked with my wise friend agian. She really encouraged me, and i feel alittle more energized to face the rest of the week. Plus I have tomorrow off.

Recieved good news about my internship possibilities. Looks like I might be able to work with AI after all! This would literally be a dream come true. It would be a great experience, I could learn soo much and it would look good on a resume. After all they are only one of the most well respected and recognized human rights organizations in the world! Can not wait to move to Chicago and start working!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

God knew I need some cheering up. After work I checked my voicemail to find my uncle had called me because he was thinking of me and just wanted to chat. To me that is an honor and compliment. To know that someone thought of you and wanted to just chat…makes me feel loved and appreciated. We talked politics as we often do. Although he can come across to others, and even to me at times, as belligerent about his beliefs, I respect the thought and passion he puts into them. We talked of political agenda and happenings. Listening to him analyze those in power, both past and present, discussing pros and cons of civil rights and political theory…it uplifted me. I had questioned myself earlier. Did what I so passionately standed for make sense? Was it ‘right’? I may not always be able to eloquently verbalize it all, but yes, it does make sense. As for right and wrong…I believe that neither Republican nor Democrat can claim that. We are sinful people living in a fallen world and God is far above petty partisan politics.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

A note was left on my car, no doubt in response to my bumper stickers. Sort of felt personally attacked by it. Not that it was aggressive, rude or even wrong. The thing is the person who left it or anyone for that matter, has every right to express their feelings/political views. I recognize that. I do that. Yet I still feel sort of personally attacked by this small non-aggressive note. Someone a couple of weeks ago told me that when ever you feel your views are being personally. After a analytical car ride though the mountains thinking it all through I am still torn. I relies how my views come across to others at times. How can someone who claims the same beliefs and faith as they do, believe in such a different political world. And then I go and post it all over the bumper of my car. hah. Well I still believe abortion is wrong, yet I am pro-choice. I know and have read that the Bible has spoken out against homosexuality, yet I am for gay rights. By the way people, Clinton does not represent all democrats, just as I know President Bush does not represent all Republicans.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Ever meet some one you know you could be good friends with had you only had the chance. If one of you had only taken the time to start a conversation, you know it would have lasted for hours. So much to discuss yet, you never got the chance. In passing you say hello and always think, ya know, we have so much we could relate to eachother on...yet we never do. The other night I felt that way. Ive was told once that upon hearing me talk of my past and issues I've faced they instantly related and had wanted to talk to me about similar experiences they had gone through. Upon hearing this I had wanted to say, well why didn't you say something. I would have loved to have talked to someone who knew what I was going through. To know that I was not alone in my struggle with bitterness, anger and hurt. Little kids don't hesitate to walk right up to a person and ask to be there friend. Why do we loose that blatentness, the bravery to openly state recognition of compatibility and shared experience.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

The future. Upon finding out what I am majoring in, I always get the question ‘what do you want to do with that’. Rule the world in the name of woman, but as that is highly improbable, I tell them human rights, specifically women’s rights. Except who knows if that is really what will happen. I almost always start with the disclaimer ‘well ideally I’d like to…’ The future is only known to God. I need to trust more, trust I will be placed in a job that will be God’s will. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future” Jeremiah 29:11. My favorite verse.

Bolton got the appointment! I understand and respect that President Bush does have the right to do that and that it is not unheard of to make such decisions/appointments while congress is not in session. However to appoint a man that is hotly contested by Republicans and democrats alike is another story. Mr. Bolton will now be representing the American people to the United Nations. It is not so much Americans that I feel sorry for but the rest of the world. This is a man who has been guilty of falsifying intelligents reports so that they correspond with his own views.